GET HAPPY NOW
By Arnette Travis, Author/Activist/Advocate, RLACEI Contributing Author
M
ost of us have heard the saying, “Birds of a feather, fly together.” There is another saying that goes, “If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.” While these sayings are similar, the second one demonstrates the importance of forging the right relationships.
Knowing who you are is one of the most key factors in your relationships. This simply means that you acknowledge your likes, dislikes, preferences and tolerance levels, so that the likelihood of conflict is minimized. It is important to be nice to others, but it is even more important to be nice to yourself. You must love yourself to be happy in this world, so make sure you do not start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth, even if they do not. Today, let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as incomplete as you think you are. Yes, let someone love you despite all this, and let that someone be you.
Relationships cover a wide range, with varying degrees of closeness. For the sake of simplicity, I categorize relationships into two main categories: positive and negative.
First the Positive
Positive relationships are characterized by an optimistic outlook, increased self-esteem, empathy, trust, nurture and growth. Furthermore, positive relationships are distinguished by mutual respect, trust, honesty and open communication, all good traits that benefit our mental and physical health and lead to a longer, happier life.
Now for the Negative
On the other side, negative relationships are toxic and are characterized by decreased self-esteem, fear, anxiety, depression, insecurity, paranoia, stress, and hurtful actions toward others. Also, many negative relationships involve gaslighting, which is intended to gain power over and dominate the other person. Self-neglect, pressure to change, worrying about the disapproval of others and ceasing to do what you enjoy are all signs that a relationship is unhealthy. These factors are proven to shorten life and are destructive to your physical and mental health.
You become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good or the bad. This applies to family as well as friends. Love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family. But know that they are human first, and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and fit into the negative or positive relationship category described earlier.
Associate and Improve
The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.
- For yourself, and no one else, you must judge the relationships you have and determine whether they are positive or negative.
- You will only ever be as great as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of anyone who keeps bringing you down.
- If you feel emotionally drained after hanging out with them or get a small hint of anxiety when you are reminded of them, listen to your intuition.
Choose Wisely
There are so many “right people” for you, who energize you and inspire you to be your best self. It makes no sense to force a relationship with people who are a wrong match for you. Again, listen to your intuition to make the right choice for you.
